done at the stand just after valentines day
Good evening glasgow. My name is Iain Maciver Todd and I got no Valentines Cards. This is the point you go AWWWWW. That sounded about as sincere as a nick clegg promise. On that note did you see david cameron trying to sell the big society last week. Normally it nick cleg who pedlless the tory BS.
Back to valentines. I did receive a letter i’d like to share with you. That really touched my heart.
Roses are Red
Violets are blue
I’ve got an offer just for you – at this point i did hope it was s
So close your eyes and believe how better leife would be be with the purchase of sky 3d
sky customer service
Now this raises a number of points
1. I don’t actually want sky 3d. Not until they bring out the porno version sky 3dd
2. When did business correspondence get so romatic. Although that is a good thing wouldn’t it be better if you got your electricty bill as
dear hunk a hunk of burning love. when i look into your eyes i can feel the electricity but unfortuately you used £70 in the last quater. Your sincerly a secret admireer scottish power plc
I could reply dear secreat admirer, oh how i wish i could wath with a direct debit of love from my heart but i see your website says you only take visa.
3. If sky now exploit love will they exploit death. When my nan dies will they send me a letter saying I’m sorry for your loss but with sky’s anytime feature you can now grieve at your own convenience. Push the red button and relieve her best bits.
4. Whats most annoying is that I pay £81 a month and for getting that screwed i expect dinner and a movie too
Valentines is about love so I thought I’d tell you about stuff I love.
I love movies.
I saw that new boxing film last night the one with the guy who speaks funny. Its called don kings speach. Colin firth is don king, hbc is mike tyson.
Ai saw 127 hours. It’s about a man who chops his own arm off to escape a fate worse than death. I saw tron legacy and after 5 minutes i would have chopped off both arms and legs to get away from that shite. The only legacy that film should have is no more tron.
I love music
Radiohead realeased a new downnload only album at the weekend. mine must be corrupt though as its really slow, full of mad bleeps and has wild screeching over the top of it.
I love computers
I played the xbox kineckt last week, Its amazing you get to jump around in front of the tv. I have a cheaper method of getting people fit. Hide the remote control.
I love dogs
We had a bomb scare at work last week. the sniffer dogs where called in. They came into our office and took one sniff, two sniff and then took a massive dump on the floor. I turned to the policeman and asked why and he said “they are nervous”. I’m nevervous but i didn;t walk on stage tel one one joke, then another and then take a massive dump.
I love you guys
I’ve been Iain Maciver Todd. Good Night.Advertisements